Put some speedbumps on Bouquet Canyon

When I was a freshly-licensed, pimply-faced, up-to-no-good teenager, my parents and my friends’ parents all warned me to stay off of Highway 126.

“It’s nicknamed Death Alley for a reason,” they said. “It’s one of the most dangerous highways in the state,” a friend’s dad who happened to be a CHP officer told my friends and me. “Stay away from it!”

Now whether that was true at the time or not, it certainly made sense for parents to tell their kids to stay away from the picturesque road, which used to feature suicide passing lanes before it was modernized.

Zoom forward 16 years and I feel that if I had kids I’d tell them to stay away from Bouquet Canyon for the same reasons. Consider the death and destruction of the last two years:

• Bicyclist hit and paralyzed by a hit and run driver in Spring 2009
• Bicyclist hit and killed by a hit and run driver in summer 2009
• Stevenson Ranch dentist kills himself after crashing his Lamborghini in the Canyon
• 24 year old, allegedly intoxicated, twists his Porsche around a tree, killing his 26 year old female passenger
• Unidentified sport biker killed in March 2010

Last year I wrote about some sport bikers who were zooming up and down the canyon, making my friend Kevin Korenthal and I nervous to ride. So we pulled over and filmed them shooting through at speeds approaching 100 mph.

Look, the point is this: Bouquet Canyon may not have any more fatalities or accidents than any other stretch of road in or near the SCV, but it is clear that it attracts those who like to speed because, let’s face it, it’s a really cool place to drive/ride.

So cool, in fact,t hat those who like to race it warn each other about enforcement crackdowns. Check out this post in a motorcycle forum from 2008:

Boquet is under heavy CHP patrol looking specifically for bikes (with modifications). I should know. At the start of Boquet on the only straight, I pass a car with Radner rapidly coming up on me, as soon as we pass, we see a totally white CHP radar unit on the shoulder…SH*T……! We roll by him and he doesn’t move, we go around the next right hander and a CHP Interceptor is all lit up blocking the road. We slow and he waves us next to him, and points at me to pull over and let all others go. He says they got me at 85 in a 55. He was real nice as I explain they must have gotten a fix on that blue sportbike guy (Radner) about to overtake me. I think they really did ’cause Mike was going faster about to pass me (where he shouldn’t of as I am passing a vehicle!). The cop seems to be thinking about it. I couldn’t f*ckin’ believe it! WHAT THE F. He radios the Radar Unit for a desription of the bike. (I am on the black Sprint with bags). I hear over the radio “He’s on a black bike with saddlebags wearing a black jacket.” Cop #2 asks “What color of helmet?” Cop #1, dark helmet, {long pause}, maybe blue. I am thinking, “DAMN, ticket for sure!” Then Cop #2 says. “Well it sounds like we may not have the right guy, there is some doubt here. And your bike looks expensive, one doesn’t modify a bike like that, we are looking for illegal mods also. Since we aren’t sure you are the right guy, we’ll let you go, have a safe day.”

It’s unreasonable to expect the CHP to patrol the 10+ mile long canyon at all hours of the day and night, especially when the sport bikers with mods are so much faster than conventional CHP cruisers.

Therefore a simple, cost effective solution to the problem emerges: Speed bumps (or humps) every half mile or so at least through the twistiest, funnest sections of the canyon. I know they are hated by everyone (including me) but you can’t deny their effectiveness. The next time a group of adrenaline junkies want to race their Lambos or suped-up motorcycles, they’ll be forced to slow down lest they go…well…airborne.