AT-AT day afternoon from Patrick Boivin on Vimeo.

But if the reaction to that store (now nearing completion) could be termed snobbish, their reaction to what’s going into the old Circuit City space may be off-the-charts hysterical.

Ross.

Yes, that’s right, Ross Dress for Less, the home of budget-conscious shabby dressers like me and a magnet for poor-mannered customers nationwide, is opening a store in Stevenson Ranch.

There goes the neighborhood.

Oh SR, how far you’ve fallen. It was only 10-15 years ago that you thought yourself on par with Valencia. Oh sure, Wal Mart is bad for any community’s rep, but it was pretty nice back then, and while you had no paseos like Valencia had, you had one thing going for you the people across the 5 didn’t: shiny newness! That plus all those wonderful big box retailers- cha-ching! You were the new hotness in the SCV. Showtime even made a TV show based off your community!

Alas SR, I think your days atop the SCV’s planned communities  are coming to an end. You’re all built out now, aging, and all the new development is going to the east and north sides of town. And let’s face it, if people wanted to live near a Ross AND a Good Will, they’d just move to Saugus.

Yes. As unpleasant as that sounds Stevenson Ranch, you are now a newer version of Saugus.

We here in Newhall understand your pain. We, like you, wanted a Trader Joe’s to move into an old vacant space. Instead, without even asking us, “the invisible hand of the market” (whatever the hell that is) determined that we needed a Vallarta. I don’t know what a “Vallarta” is, but I do know that the people who would shop at a Vallarta are better off on their own side of town! I know you feel the same about Ross and Goodwill shoppers.

Maybe you SR folks should take a second look at that barrier wall Dave Bossert was thinking of building.

So what you ask?

SO WHAT! It’s good news, that’s what. Because it looks to me like the Valencia Auto Center, that once-powerful interest group that represents about 25 dealers on/near Creekside, must be enjoying increased sales if they’re able to pay for full wraps in The Signal.

And that’s good news for City Hall because their tax coffers have been in a death spiral (okay maybe that’s exaggeration) for a few years now as stingy SCVers selfishly held onto their money and refused to buy new Escalades.

Car sales are important to Santa Clarita. Afterall, new car sales helped fuel the SCV’s boom during the early naughty aughties, not to mention all the support businesses (think car washes, maintenance places and bling outfitters) that bloomed as well.

It appears to me in Newhall that the VAC is borrowing Newhall land’s technique: rebrand an existing product (dilapidated Creekside in the case of the dealers and 40 year old Valencia in the case of Newhall Land) as something new and exciting. Ergo Awesometown and Valencia Auto Center, “Southern California’s Largest Auto Center”

Awesometown Auto Dealers Inc!

It won’t be long now until we start getting daily updates on the Valencia Acura dogs (Scooter and Spark Plug?) once again, and that means, my friends, that Fat City USA can’t be far behind!

But it’s not just full-Signal wraps that have quickened my heart lately. I’m also noting a return of that once-ubiquitious, only-in-the-SCV mascot vehicle: the raised stomper truck with boat/motorcycle stickers on the back. Check out this brand new behemoth spotted near my house:

The New Chevrolet : A lot like the old Chevrolet

This double-cabbed duallie is not only raised a few feet off the ground, it sports chrome spikes on the front and back wheels and a muffler the width of my thigh. Built to intimidate Democrats and Prius drivers but inspire Tea Partiers, this massive truck tackles the mean, meandering streets of Santa Clarita with ease, providing its driver an instant bad-ass credibility boost.

I haven’t seen a stomper truck this large since early 2008 (and yes I posted about it then) before gas prices hit $4 a gallon, Wall Street collapsed, the Gulf of Mexico actually contained water and not just oil, and a black man became our president.

The return of the stomper truck to the SCV automotive scene  and Valencia Auto Center’s bold new advertising campaign can only mean one thing: Santa Clarita’s love affair with the automobile is back and stronger than ever and pretty soon we can all go back to kvetching about how powerful the auto dealers are instead of talking about Bob Kellar’s sanity, crazy City Council candidates and Frank Ferry’s outbursts.

I for one welcome a return to this familiar territory.

Lo and behold, look what appeared in a comment on The Signal’s story about Frank Ferry:

OMG. Could it be that the most famous spelling-challenged Tea Partier pictured above actually resides in the SCV and is  Signal reader “really?”

Regarding another potential parallel: Do you think anyone is going to give a Kellaresque statement along the lines of “If opposing a sixty-foot building in my backyard makes me a developmental terrorist, then I’m a proud developmental terrorist.”?

We could have a lot of fun with this. It could (or perhaps has already) become the first SCV Internet Meme. “If enjoying elevator rides makes me a high-density environmentalist, then I’m a proud high-density environmentalist!”

Alternatively, playing off the terrorism angle offers many great opportunities for hilarity. How about a stack of SCV-centric Developmental Terrorist playing cards?

We need to know who these people are after all.

Thank you for your letter!  I’ve been eagerly anticipating the moment when you ask for my hand in annexation.

You can have my response now – YES! A THOUSAND TIMES, YES! (And if that doesn’t come through, I’ll make sure to send the postage-paid formal reply).

Since I can’t think of a worse situation than being represented along with two million others by a Supervisor in LA (I know! Talk about Big Love, right?!), I promise not to criticize the manner in which you do it either.

I know it’s not much — especially compared to that high maintenance unrequited love you’ve been chasing west of the 5 — but you can have the shopping center (ignore the boarded up former Starbucks space – we’ll fix that soon) and anything else that may or may not transpire on this dirt.  Accept it all as a dowry.

I can’t wait for our big day when you finally take me as your own.

Love always,

Tesoro, West Hills, West Creek*

*and Pitchess, whose inmate population helps with revenues and is really only a problem once in a while but you already know about that KTHXBAI

p.s. You didn’t need to attach the color brochure, but it was a very nice touch!

City of Santa Clarita Annexation Brochure

Let’s assume for a minute that the experts are wrong, that we need to reduce the chloride in our waste to the levels as prescribed by the Water Board.

Let’s further assume that the total costs for the project don’t exceed the Sanitation District’s estimated $250 million.

We have approximately 240,000 people in this valley.  Rough average is 3 persons per household.  That’s about 80,000 homes.

With these figures in mind, the project will cost $3,125 for every condo unit, stucco box and sprawling ranch home in our valley.

Imagine the kinds of things we could do to save water by investing $3,125 on every home in our valley… The mind reels.  I bet we could solve downstream chloride issues and water supply in one fell swoop.

New idea

Let’s spend the money this way:

• $1625 per home installing rainwater collection and graywater systems to reclaim water from the rain plus dish and clothes washing.
• $500 on water saving measures: we could give out tax credits for drought-tolerant landscaping, low flow plumbing fixtures and front loading washing machines.
• The remaining $1,000 we’d spend sending all SCV households to Las Vegas for a weekend, on an honor system to return 50% of any winnings to invest in a project of Marsha McLean’s choosing.

This whole thing doesn’t pass the smell test.

(Note, to get the full experience of this post, press play then read below)

I’ve been investigating all day the reports of suspicious aerial activity in the skies above Santa Clarita on 05-04-2010 at approximately 20:50 – 21:00 hours.

Grab your magnifying glass and join me!

SCVTalk reader Julie started things off:

surprised you didn’t write about the fighter jets flying low over SCV twice last night — everyone was freaking out, didn’t know what it was, then we saw reports on Twitter of the same thing happening in Oregon and elsewhere in the country!

Indeed! I heard the jets too. And as our dear reader pointed out, so did several people on Twitter and other social network sites.

I’m really proud of you Santa Clarita. When the shit hits the fan and World War III starts, I know you won’t run for your nearest Mormon Relief Society bunker…not you! You’re a self-sufficient bunch who communicates, I know you’ll run to Twitter and inform the rest of us!

Here are two reports within minutes of each other. Twitter user joshandcroz was the second report as far as I can tell:

Several tweets and retweets followed shortly thereafter. This user was very descriptive just five minutes later:

But Twitter wasn’t good enough for some people. One guy took to the odd Yahoo Answers website. He described the same thing the others saw but added that the plane was in something called the “Santa Clarita Practice Area.” Then “Rich” replied with the best description of all:

Yup, I heard it too and saw an aircraft on full afterburners in a hard right turn then head south or south west. I lost it behind some houses. Neighbors also saw the aircraft and noticed the “flames” coming out of the back. No idea regarding the type of aircraft but I recall seeing the glow of two afterburners. Undoubtedly military. Also saw something that may have either been launched from the same aircraft or was being chased. It was fairly large and appeared to be at a very high altitude, perhaps near space or low earth orbiting. It was heading in a straight line in a south east direction. Bright orange in appearance, and didn’t appear to be an orbiting satellite.

The same aircraft came back around 20 minutes later and did a 360 degree turn right over downtown Santa Clarita. Same loud engines. It then proceeded east about 5 or 6 miles and turned north.

WTF? Does Rich have an active imagination or should we treat his eyewitness report as gospel? Was there a second, unidentified flying object in the air? A UFO perhaps?

And does anyone else find it disconcerting to know that there is something called the “Santa Clarita Practice Area?” Practice. For. What?

Our own Jim Farley confirms some of the things above, especially the afterburner reports

Since it was dark I could make out the type but could clearly see the flame from an afterburner from the second jet. (Or the same jet making a second pass). It happened around 9:00 pm.

So here’s what we know:

• Resident spotted a “jet of some sort” at 8:50 or so
• It circled the SCV for several minutes
• At least one eyewitness saw the glow of two afterburners, meaning it was probably a two engined plane like an F-15, F-18, or F-5
• It went away and came back 10 – 20 minutes later, then turned east
• One eyewitness saw it chasing or launching something

I’ve lived in Santa Clarita for 17 years and have only seen fighter jets over our city a handful of times. I’ve never seen a fighter jet “turn and burn” through on afterburners though; I thought pilots only did that when 1)they’re taking off, 2)when they mean business and have to get the hell out of dodge and 3)combat, or 4) at airshows.

I was riding my bike home from COC at the time and didn’t see anything, but I knew it was military. It sounded like more than one jet to me; the noise a military jet makes is different in loudness and character compared to a commercial jet. I don’t know how anyone could miss it; it was extremely loud.

Unfortunately I’m not widely read in the Air Force community so I can’t offer you any answers. It’s possible the jet was just passing through on its way to Edwards. Or maybe it was an exercise. Maybe Al Queda up and got an Air Force and was prepping an attack on us, using the tower at Six Flags as a rally point. Perhaps the ChiComs were shooting down satellites again? Or perhaps the City of Santa Clarita was renting out airspace for filming? Did it have something to do with the smoke monster on Lost?

It could be anything really. Will we ever find out?

Ha! Yeah right

“I knew that at least one person’s life would be vastly improved by a Gauny victory.  ME!!!!!” stated a very giddy and perhaps slightly inebriated Ferry.

“If Dave wins then he will get to sit in those council chambers two Tuesdays a month and listen to the following which I will not miss in the least:

1. Cam Noltemeyer three minute stream of consciousness speeches informed by acid flashbacks;
2. Alan Ferdman’s opinion on EVERYTHING;
3. TimBen Boydston (bless his heart) quotations of Lincoln and Jefferson; and
4. Starring at David Gauny’s hair and wondering how he gets it to stay that way.

“And I’m not even talking about Marsha McLean’s fetish obsession with light rail and the horse smell that Laurene Weste denies she brings into EVERY council meeting.”

When asked questions about the delay of the final ballot count and concerns about ballot security Ferry sneered, “They ought to be worried about me breaking in and stuffing the envelopes with 100 bullet votes for David Gauny to seal the deal!”

As for how he will spend his newly free Tuesday nights, Ferry said he would watch Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and Scrubs live and without DVR, though he might periodically run through the City Council chambers during public participation time laughing like a maniac, clothing optional.